Do you suffer from premature blog ejaculation?

I just have one more thought for now:

I think people who are not involved in religion need to have other ways of punishing/torturing/disciplining themselves, which is the only reason I can think of that my boyfriend (henceforth known as GP) and I are doing P90X. For the uninitiated (lucky...), P90X is an insane DVD series aimed at sculpting your body into a lean mean muscle machine. It is 3 months long and includes a strict diet that participants must follow by rote if they want to see any success at all. (GP had 2 very strong screwdrivers last night, not that I'm keeping track of who's falling off the bandwagon faster or nothin'). In the first month of this diet participants (read: pathetic flabby underlings) are allotted a million servings of protein, very few servings of fruits and veggies and basically one serving of carbohydrates per day.

In the spirit of low-carb living, I'm making vegetarian (vegan, maybe?) wontons for dinner tonight. I know, wonton wrappers are made of carbs, but fuck. I'm already pretty skinny and I haven't eaten carbs yet today, so given that there are 5g of carbs per one wrapper, I can safely feel good about gorging on these tasty morsels tonight. I tried and tried to find an intriguing, easy, tasty, healthy, protein-rich recipe for vegetarian wontons but unfortunately the internets let me down. Thank goodness that the human mind (mine especially) is infinitely inventive. For posterity, here is my wonton recipe:

For the filling:
350g extra firm tofu, pressed
1/3 cup soy sauce (or more, or less, to taste)
1 Tbsp. fresh finely grated ginger
4 small cloves of garlic, (or three big ones, or whatever), finely grated
about 1/3 of a red onion, finely grated (or use 1/4 of a white onion if that's what you have)
a handful of minced water chestnuts

To wrap them up:
one package of wonton wrappers (the small variety)
egg wash

To cook them in:
2.5 litres (2.5 quarts) broth/stock/flavoured water

To eat them with:
Assorted delicious veggies of your choosing

Put the above in a Cuisinart, except for the chestnuts. If you don't have a food processor you should beg/borrow/steal one from someone. Seriously, this is a lot easier with a food processor. You could try doing it in a blender, but it might all get stuck at the bottom and not want to move around unless you have one of those super duper fancy humongous two-blade deals. And if you can't do that, then you're on your own on that front. You're smart, you can figure something out. (If anyone ever reads this and finds a way to do this without using a Cuisinart or a blender, please let me know!)

Anyway, when you're done processing it, it should resemble a sticky kind of cookie dough. Or at least something suitable for sticking in a wonton wrapper. Taste it. You should like the taste. If you don't, add more of a flavour you like until it's palatable. Mix in the chestnuts after taking the tofu-mix out of the processor.

I don't know what you can use as a sticking-together agent for the wrappers besides egg wash, but if you're vegan you're probably crafty and have figured this out already. Read on!

IMPORTANT (ha, almost wrote "impotent") NOTE: Filling these little puppies takes a while. I thought it would quick and easy, and it certainly was easy, but quick it was not. It took me the better part of an hour to wrap up all my filling using 3 sheets short of a 260g package of wrappers. Anyway, lay the wonton wrappers on the counter with one corner pointing to you and place about 3/4 of a teaspoon (or half, or something, I don't know, you'll figure it out) of filling in the middle. Don't put too much filling in there or they'll explode. Wet two sides of the wonton with egg wash and fold the dry sides onto the wet, to form a triangle. Then fold the opposing points into the middle to form a tortellini-type shape.

To cook the wontons, bring around 2.5 litres of your preferred broth (I use Better Than Bouillon because they make a delicious vegetarian "stock") to a gentle simmer. Avoid a more vigorous simmer because that will break the delicate little wonton skins. At this point you will want to talk like Rachael Ray and say things like "Drop the kids into the hot tub". Avoid that; it'll make your wontons taste bad. Leave the wontons in the "hot tub" (ugh) for around 3 minutes, then remove them to the bowl(s) in which they will be served. Dump your choice veggies (I used bok choy, water chesnuts, baby corn, and carrots) into the broth, reserving the less robust veggies (bok choy) for a shorter cooking time. I simmered the veg. for around 5-6 minutes, or until the carrots were al dente. All you have to do when you've cooked the veggies is ladle the soup into the bowls over the wontons and season the broth with soy sauce and slurp it all up greedily. I can't wait to have leftovers today.

Oh! And I froze the rest of the wontons because there were so many. Good for when I am lazy and/or sick.