HOLY SHIT!

I just got a comment from a STRANGER! Not that my followers aren't totally awesome, but I never thought my blog would ever be read by anyone other than my circle of friends and my boyfriend's mum. (Again, nothing against you people; you are great and my life would be significantly worse if you weren't in it.) I really hope someone didn't make up a fake profile as a joke on me. If so, touché.

This meal I made is kind of Italian in that it's inspired by pizza and the sausage is "Italian" flavour, whatever that's supposed to mean. Local turkey sausage, caramelized shallots, chanterelle 'shrooms and Swiss cheese on a polenta-thyme base. We ate it with a fairly nondescript salad of local greens and other stuff. Absolutely scrumptious.

Anyway, GP just said "Think about how many strangers you'd have reading your blog if you actually wrote interesting stuff". Who the hell does he think he is? I can't think of anything more interesting than delicious food and my cat. If my blog has attracted 10 followers and one Italian vegetarian who hates Sarah Palin and his own corrupt government, that's good enough for me. In that spirit, here are some photos of food I've made recently. I still can't find the battery for my fancy camera, so you'll have to use your imagination and pretend the photos are good.
An authentic Thai green curry with not-so-authentic butternut squash, scallops, prawns, and salmon. It was so nice to have a spicy warm dish like this when it was so frigid and snowy. It's really supposed to be eaten on top of rice, but we bastardized it and ate it as a soup because we're "watching our figures" and we try to limit carb consumption to breakfast... 'Cause coconut milk is just so low in fat...
THE most AMAZING bran muffins ever. Even if you don't normally bake, you have to try this recipe. I scoured the internet for one that piqued my interest and promised other-worldly results. This recipe produces the shangri-la of bran muffins. And if, like me, you are concerned about keepin' regular, top-notch bran muffin recipes are important to you. Sure, the tops aren't perfect domes, but anyone who needs to eat perfect food is probably not going to eat bran muffins for the reasons I do anyway.

Last but not least, a simple fast, and easy meal. It's just a kale and crimini mushroom frittata with shallots, thyme and Swiss cheese melted until bubbly under the broiler. To go with that I made roasted carrots with balsamic vinegar (pet peeve: I don't like it when people just call it "balsamic". That's an adjective. Learn how to speak, you pricks), some grapeseed oil, thyme and S&P.

That's all I got for now. I don't want to overwhelm you with too much foodey goodness. Also, GP is making dinner tonight and I have to go make sure it doesn't burn.

PS, I handed in my LAST ENGLISH PAPER EVER last night. The trumpet sounds within-a my soul!

Someone, Please

Wake me up from what I hope is just a bad dream. GP has just informed me that Sarah (a disgrace to the name, I might add, as I know a Sarah who is infinitely better in every way than the one of whom I speak) Palin's reality TV show had double the viewers in its pilot episode than Mad Men did in its season finale. How can people take anything seriously from a woman who has less to contribute to society than a Bump-It?

As much as I love Say Yes to the Dress, I find it very difficult to support a network that supports (yeah, they pay her a quarter mil. every week) this assault to everything that is good and logical in the world. In fact, pretty much every show they carry (even SYTTD sometimes) is offensive. Toddlers in Tiaras, Nineteen Kids and Counting, Sister Wives... Do we see a pattern here? Um, yes: sexualization of children and women, ego-centrism, extensive consumerism, inequality between men and women, blatant conservatism in every way except financial... I can't even finish my sentence I'm so fired up.

I'll admit it, they got me hooked on the sheer implausibility of what really happens in "mainstream America". No more, TLC, no more. I will get my fix for appalling and addictive reality TV elsewhere. Goodness knows there's no shortage of it.

Hypothetically...

If I were in a romantic relationship with my university, this is how our most recent falling-out would go:

Me: Hey, long time no talk. Thanks for emailing me, I really missed you.

UVic: Yeah, I thought I'd email you, to be nice. You should be thankful I ran across your paperwork at all. I've just been really busy lately with, y'know, school and stuff.

Me: Oh yeah? I wish we talked more- I don't even know what you do during the day.

UVic: I have like, a lot of people I see, and I have to do a lot of stuff, like meetings and business and... Money-counting.

Me: Ah, I see. Well it's just that it was back in August that I gave you my request for a letter of permission to take a course through TRU and I only just got your permission today...

UVic: I've been busy! Fuck! Get off my goddamn back! You're lucky you even got a letter at all. Plus, it's not even my fault- you're the one whose class got canceled.

Me: No, no, you're right, an entire semester isn't long to wait for me to get it back from you and I chose to have my professor get sick and cancel.

UVic: Look, I didn't get back in touch with you to get yelled at. I don't need this bullshit. [Heads for the door]

Me: [Pleading] No! Come back! Why won't you love me? Why do you keep hurting me?

UVic: Ummm... Haha... [Nervously edges toward the door]

Me: [Begging, on knees] This is not a healthy relationship. How can we work on this?

UVic: Uh... I gotta go. [Quickly exits]

Me: [Collapses in tears of anguish and frustration]

UVic: [Pokes head back into room] Oh, you have to pay me now for my gracious service to you, otherwise I'm not giving you your degree. Kthxbye. [Exits even faster than before]

Me: [Googles "How to tie a noose"]




PS, It's no coincidence that while I was writing this, this song came into my head: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ZcmuKsyvzg

Reason Number 1

...Why I am an old lady:

I had a minor panic attack when I thought I had lost my 6mm circular knitting needles that can only be bought as part of a very expensive set. Then I remembered they're in my bedside table, holding onto a project that I kind of forgot about.

Oak Bay, Here I Come!

I'm ready for retirement. I really am. All this going to school, finding a job, being unhappy with that job, getting more training to get a small pay raise, getting a career, working in that career for much too long, all the while going through things like embarrassing Christmas parties with coworkers and dismal birthdays spent in a depressing break room (also with coworkers) eating cake that I would never otherwise eat but Debbie (coworker) ordered special so I can't refuse... That stuff can all go to hell. I am ok with retiring right now. I already have all the characteristics of a retiree anyway.

I was considering doing a few "Reasons Why I am an Old Lady" posts independent of one another, and maybe I still will but GP and I were just talking about retirement and how fantastic it would be, so I thought I'd amalgamate all my age-inappropriate fantasies into one post... For now.

Let me set the stage for you, so you can know that even just sitting here at the computer I am being an old person. None of this is made up. My desk, first of all, is an antique. It's not expensive or anything but it is from an old school house in Ontario, and it has iron legs. Retirees love antiques because they (antiques) are old. Friskies is sleeping nearby (I need say no more). My computer and printer are both old and ugly, but maintained well and in perfect working order. Old people (like me) don't see the point in getting "snazzy" new things when their old things work just fine. There's a sticky note on the wall facing my desk reminding me to sit up straight. In the same vein, I am sitting on an exercise ball. Old people know the importance of correct posture (or, at least, many of the ones I know do). I'm drinking tea. That's not necessarily an old person thing in and of itself, but I am very particular about how my tea is made and what kind of tea I like (none of that hippie crap with the herbs), and how much milk I like in it. Everyone knows old people are ornery about weird things.

The previous paragraph is just the tip of the iceberg of the old person-ness I experience on a day-to-day basis. That list was just the things I'm doing right now as I type this. Nevermind the fact that I did some gardening today, looked at knitting patterns for longer than I care to admit, made trips to several specialty shops for different things (meat, bananas, dry cleaning, all at different places), and did my recycling. Recycling isn't part of it, but it is important.

My fantasies for retirement include:
1. Having a hobby farm with a full garden from which I can harvest many things to preserve for the winter.
2. Getting up at 5 every day to tend to said farm, and to sit in the kitchen and play solitaire while GP sleeps. My uncle (originally I had his name and occupation here, but then I realized he probably wouldn't want to be associated with this ridiculous excuse for a blog) does this and it seems like a great way to spend a morning.
3. Knitting. A lot.
4. Enjoying the benefits of a reduced appetite and an increased penchant for afternoon strolls.
5. Puttering.
6. Taking up an obscure hobby like glassblowing or cat photography. (Or both, combined?)

Well, I guess I should put an end to all this fantasizing. After I do my homework, I plan to round this day out with an appropriately early bed time, right after I check tomorrow's weather forecast and lay out my clothes accordingly.